awesome
awesome
awesome

that's the only word i can use for Hong Kong ;)

This is not our favorite song
but the night is moving right along
may I have your hand, may I have this dance.

I sense that you are amused,
but you just bought those brand new shoes.
It would such a shame not to give us the chance.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

I know at times that you feel alone
when I'm here and I'm never home.
You said before is the price that you pay.

On matters of clarity
is not secret you are carrying me.
But you disguise thoughts of fall
I will keep you safe.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

And oh....
oh...oh...

This is not our favorite song
but I wish it go on and on
it's moments like these
singers do all they can to stop time.

So let me just say to you
before the DJ changes the tune
you put the beautiful in life
you put the beautiful in life.

booo i'm supposed to be doing stats for my math paper 2 tomorrow but my nose is stuffed and super uncomfy... can't breathe properly. ack.
i've been writing poems almost everyday now, my friends tell me that its stress-induced! i counted. 8 poems in 10 days. the best part is that i use maybe 15 minutes at most to write each one? can't quite get this weird phenomena myself. charmaine says i should compile all my poems and title the collection "Poems from the Queen". queen astrid yada yada. we'll see about that. in the meantime i shall continue with my poem writing and probably dedicate some to a select few ;)

but life's been good despite the a's. i guess having a birthday right smack in the middle of it wasn't so bad after all. firstly, facebook is damn scary. my whole page was flooded all the way... and although i tried to force myself to sleep before 12 midnight on the 10th the whole plan flopped because someone encouraged me to just stay up for another 15 minutes. ended talking on the phone and replying messages :P thank goodness it was GP though, you can't exactly study much for it. i never believed in birthday luck until yesterday; the topics didn't seem to appealing at first but somehow i conjured up quite a few points for my essay and compre was just, a miracle! there was only ONE passage... now all the compre practices we had TWO passages.. only in J1 did we do one passage. such a very rare occurence. made my life so much easier :) 

and nothing beats spending the day with your family. i was only supposed to have lunch with my helper and brother at first, then my mom's appointment got cancelled and my dad decided to take half day off and my sis was allowed to skip her after school day care. the whole troupe set off for lunch at lucky plaza to try out some filipino food. i thought that was quite cute. i wouldn't say the food was that good but the company made up all for it. and! my daddy decided to get Band Hero! like super big present for all of us. it's the most awesome game on earth. :):)

godmas came over for dinner and cake cutting later on. really great to see them again cos they're simply 2 wonderful ladies. i was posing with a bouquet of roses which i got a shock over when i saw it in my room when i reached home. found out it was from my mom's good friend. you can imagine that shocked + surprised look on my face. almost thought it was some secret admirer's gift :P

and i guess there'll be belated celebrations after this as promised by many people :) that's what i'm really looking forward to. for me, i don't really bother about presents. It's the time spent with people that makes my birthday so memorable. I don't actually want a grand eighteenth ball to commemorate my "coming of age". In fact, i don't like it. it's just too much and unnecessary. that'll only be for my wedding, if i ever have one. i just enjoy having nice company and good food... it's the sentimental value of it i suppose. means much more than a big party to me. :)

now we're off to conquering the big A for the next week. Oh i can finally see the light.....(^.^)

played this song on guitar hero and thought it was so sad yet sweet. the real version here, with strings and an awesome piano solo is wayyyy better.

yesterday had little moments that caught me and made me realize what life was really made of.

was waiting for the bus yesterday and this indian guy began to smoke, with the wind blowing in my direction, so i had no way of dodging from the smoke. first reaction was to get all clammy and irritated but i decided that hey, maybe i should pray for him, even though he's smoking right into my face. this situation reminded me of what happened to my friend before, as he remembered Mother Teresa's words from her book and gave his seat a smile to this old lady who was smoking right into his face on a van in Batam, and surprisingly she decided to put away her cigarette! i was more or less hoping the same could happen today... the guy eventually threw his stick away after i prayed for a while. not that i prayed for the sake of only getting less second hand smoke but maybe this guy was unhappy or aimless with his life and turned to such means to let it all out. it was more of acceptance that i learnt today.

right after that, my band friend andrea got off the bus and we went to school together! she and I have this special telepathy; we somehow end up being early/late together for almost anything.. School, band, tuition. It was a lovely surprise to start off my day with! 

Studied in school today and it was efficient and productive!  at least by my standards :D that's another thing to be thankful for, that Í'm not losing the momentum as I always did in the past..

Had to go to bishan specially to exchange my sis' faulty correction tape for a new one so I bused down to Toa Payoh and turned out that Charmaine had to go to TP hub as well! What a coincidence really. I felt so blessed somehow to have a chance to spend a little more time with my friend, since she always injects laughter and fun into my life, even in my most sian moments. thank you, beegeegee!

I decided to take the bus from the interchange since I was feeling lazy :P and thanks to a new bus arrival time system there, I decided to run to the bus stop opposite to try to catch the bus there. a little risk taking but it didn't matter since at the very least i'll just take the bus leaving from the interchange in 7 minutes. walked briskly and voila, the bus arrived right in front of me. :)

got off the bus and looked up at the vast blue sky above me and the lush greenery trailing the pathway home. just breathing in the fresh air and absorbing the beauty of it all made me realize how i took the natural greenery for granted. it rejuvenated my senses and mind, allowing me to start afresh again.

the best way to round off my day? we had a mini prayer session, specially to pray for my sister who had her exam today. each of us took turns to pray over her and affirm her as much as we could. what really touched my heart were my father's words... on how he thanked the Lord for giving him three wonderful children and that it didn't matter whether we passed or failed because the most important thing was to love God and those around  us. Tears flowed from my eyes... I finally felt fear for the a levels dissipating as I realized that what truly mattered in the end when I departed was how well I lived my life.

MEHHHH.

feeling listless and bored now. been slacking today. grah. this is bad. where's my motivation when i need it. :(
i've been doing cool stuff instead, like lunching with my piano teacher's student, viewing my dentist's macau trip pics at his clinic after my appointment the other day and voila today ultimate fun, marinating steak for dinner for our friends who came over. this is ultimate madness. what happened to the blog and facebook hiatus. i'm going all against my self imposed rules hence i decided against keeping a study schedule. i just can't keep to a fixed system cos the more i will rebel against it. :((((((((

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'sorry just felt i needed to speak in gibberish for awhile. it is that bad.
i hate it when everyone goes "I'm sure you can do it, Astrid!" not that i'm not positive... but sometimes i feel everyone's saying the same darn thing and it annoys me like shit cos everything is so bloody hard. im not kidding. it's crazy. i have no idea how i'll do at all. serious. never felt so unsure about exams. :(

ah well, let's whack the hell out of a's then.

i miss talking to some people :(

i dont know how you do it but i simply feel better every time i talk to you. really loved the sharing session on how much we changed over the years. it meant so much to me, boosted my morale and affirmed me in the things i do. i really wanted to know how someone close to me, who has seen me through so much seen how much i have changed. not because i wanted to hear those things for the sake of it or make myself feel all good but knowing that someone's been observing you and knowing you so well is just heartening. it's not a normal thing to ask someone "how have i changed over the years?" cos we all try to avoid the truth or perhaps no one really knows us so well to be able to express what he or she sees in you. but we managed to share about it and that's simply wonderful. we can get on each other's nerves sometimes and there are issues which we cant really agree upon, but at the end of the day, accepting each other first in order to understand how we truly are is the most important element! irregardless of whether i approve 100% of what you do, or whether i'm genuinely interested in every word you say.. it really doesnt matter. our relationship has in a way transcended that stage of trying to appease each other, that is why we're able to have heart to hearts like this. it becomes a natural process each time we meet, not like "oh can we  have a heart to heart? WE NEED ONE NOW".. okay maybe sometimes you do need to declare that we should share about deep stuff but for us it isn't necessary to do so. as i said, it's natural. we end up having a deep talk. theres the updates about the happenings in our lives, the amusing ones and depressing stories that whiz past us everyday. and the silly jokes and things we do to annoy each other. *rolls eyes* then doing retarded stuff like going to cheers to buy 2 glass bottles of vitamilk and toasting each other with a "cheers!" right in front of the counter lady at yes if you noticed, CHEERS. the things we do. haha. just amazes me sometimes. but i like it this way. and i dont think i ever want this to change. :)

this may sound a little cheesy but this is what i want to tell all the wonderful friends i treasure.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

and that is from our friendly winnie the pooh :)

guess i'd be really sad if all my friends leave before me. so treasure every single moment that you have with them now, and tell them that you love them before you can never do so again.

live.love.letgo.

There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.
(from Ecclesiastes 3)

just wondered again, why do such things have to happen to people.
at the back of my mind i know there's the Plan for everyone.
a path that all of us have to walk through.
to weather storms.
to taste the sweetness of love and joy.
to be who we want to be - be it crazy, introverted, emotional or out of this world.
I know. I know. That everything happens for a reason.
How many times have I been told that? Uncountable occasions.
Still, there is this little question that surfaces in my mind once in a while.
Especially when undesirable things happen to me and my loved ones.

The floods in Philippines have taken a toll on the lives of the people.
This time, more specifically, my helper's village is flooded, to waist level.
I haven't felt a disaster come so close to me before.
Not physically but mentally and emotionally.
While hearing her account of the events that occurred and how her family had to scramble to safety, my heart began to ache.
I never knew floods could be so disastrous until I heard about them affecting people I knew.
Despite learning about natural disasters and management strategies from Geography lessons, I felt I never really knew what it was until she told me all that.
I thought of all the possible solutions for them, and realized how limited the success of these were.
No electricity meant it was pitch black at night, with water rising in their house.
Low-lying area with a river nearby exacerbated the situation.
Having a house on such low grounds endangered them even further.
The worst was that their cellphones were running out of battery and they could not charge their phones.
Once out, it meant no contact between my helper and them.
How, just how if, the floods took them away and she didn't know until a few days later?
What if she didn't get to say goodbye?
That thought really struck me, and made me realize how lucky I was.
I've never encountered a flood that rose above my ankles
Or rains that lasted for more than a week.
My helper's children had to sleep in their neighbour's house which was on higher ground.
Her parents had to stay at home, sitting on the table for the entire night, worrying for their lives.
Her father even tied a rope to the window grill and ceiling just in case they were washed away by the flood, at least they could hold onto something.
And I am sitting here comfortably in a building, without a single worry of whether I can see the sun rise tomorrow or risk losing my entire home.
I am safe, sheltered and protected.
I know at least a flood won't sweep me away into the sea and be lost forever.
I tried my best to reassure and comfort my helper these few days.
Even though I knew that my words probably could not ease her burden much.
It sucks to see her in such a sorrowful state, not being able to sleep and worrying the entire day about her family.
It's even more painful to know that she's gone through so much these 2 years; her husband's shocking death, financial problems, family problems and now this.
What else could happen?
All this endless suffering and pain puzzles me.
Bad things happen, but in a never-ending manner?
I wonder how much strength and courage we need to garner to overcome these.
Faith? I'm trying to believe that continuous faith can keep me through, even if it proves to be impossible.

Thank God the floods have subsided slightly, it's better now.
My heart aches less, for now.
I just hope things will continue to look brighter.
The world has more than enough sorrow than it can handle already.
Pray with me.

i feel free as a lark right now!

here's a hug if anyone wants one! :)

woohoo. my heart knows me better than I know myself.

i guess i need more courage to do this. man, never thought it would be so hard! perhaps it wasnt appropriate yet as well... sometimes you need that right moment to say such stuff. AHAHA. i dont think i'll ever be able to say it though... i can take the initiative on anything except this! doesnt mean i'm shy! how hard can it get?? probably the biggest obstacle is myself. if someone starts saying something. maybe i'll play along.

but im so commitment phobic now... rawr. don't even try convincing me that i should get into a relationship cos it'll be a longggggg while before that ever happens again. it's like, yeah i can go out with anyone i like now XD sounds so liberal and "open r/s" yadayada. why buy a book when you can borrow it from the library? Because some books are just too good and must be kept and treasured, re-read again and again. ;) i like that book but i'm not willing to keep it for myself, neither am i going to let anyone keep the book i am.

i don't know. i really have that missing feeling inside me now. stop it, hormones, you're not helping.
why is it that i'm feeling like this during the exam period??? SERIOUSLY. 
and is there any point missing people? well... maybe cos good memories make me feel better and maybe not because i have lots of other better things to do!

í'm thankful for the journey we shared though... it's really changed and moulded me. it's not like we meet up alot or all the time but it's the quality time that works. and the concept of carefree timelessness (where you schedule a day for someone without planning any activities and go with the flow for that day) is simply the best. no plans, nothing. it's the "shall we explore that area? or try that restaurant?" it's so fun, free and flexible. just do what you want and get something new out of it. and don't you agree that meeting up once a week or two weeks and spending quality time with someone makes more sense than meeting him/her every single day at school or work and knowing every single detail of their lives? quality vs. quantity. it's more interesting, you've more to update and catch up on, live your own life and share more experiences instead of that person going everywhere with you for breakfast, lunch and dinner, morning to night, 7 days a week. it also prepares you for the time when that person goes overseas or can't meet up for a long time because you're rather used to it anyway. it doesn't pinch that much. i wouldn't ever want to have anyone knowing everything i'm doing, it's boring and intrusive.  i'm speaking from past experience when i met a person every day and whoops! once 'we didn't meet for a period of more than 3 days we were both literally dying... It's ridiculous i know. but it happens. it's that attachment you form and the "familiarity" that you're used to. after a while. everything becomes mundane and nothing about the relationship intrigues you any more. a pity, really.  i prefer the current situation so many times more than the past, of course.

so as i venture further into relationships and such, there'll be more discoveries to be made! right now its no commitment, liberty and adventures incorporated with the love i give and get. best of both worlds ;)

www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

i got this from a friend's blog and i'm completely captured by the pictures and captions. simple yet applicable in all our lives.
i think this one is especially apt for how i feel today.

The heart is a muscle like any other and the best exercise you can do for it is called picking yourself up off the floor.

 
 yesterday was. hmmm. INTERESTING. has an unintentional awesome foursome outing yesterday.. i tell you, good friends are telepathic. i was supposed to meet Sam at city hall then ping and ben decided to call each of us and we had a "four way" conversation.. and thanks to ben chow the un-strict sergeant :P we had to go to novena to meet them. haha it was hilarious.. the watermelon cocktail was terrific! :D then we dared ben to pick up my CJ friend who was at MPH XD and we saw his gay friends.. i mean one of them wore a shirt with the line TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY and was facing Sam!!! HAHA. we're four really different people yet we can somehow have a good time together. Ping and I have strikingly similar plans in life too... and i love her so much though we're not as close as we used to be. somehow this friendship has managed to last throughout the years and I'm ever grateful to have her as my dear dear cousin :)  and of course my wonderful NS guy friends; Ping and I had such a fun time listening to their stories.

im pretty happy now. cos im not longer confused! woohoo. i know exactly what I want and i guess it will suit us both. No change. Great. :)

tomorrow accd to my dad is starbucks free coffee day!! I WANT! it's 10-12 only :(

brain is fried. OWWW.

me: My friend is in NS!
Abby: Why?
HX: what do you mean by why? he's a guy =.=
me: Oh my God what did you hear?
Abby: He's an ass!

I'm so sorry dude, you know i love you, it's just too much mugging that made her a little deaf.

we saw our friend sitting at the next table...
me: he's not that bad...
Abby: WHY??
me and HX: HUH.
Abby: He can't get married??

that is clear evidence that mugging drives you cuckoo. DON'T STUDY IT'S BAD FOR YOU.

i think i'll really miss the people here if i ever have to leave... i mean though i always say about how much i love HK and how i want to go back there to work or study one day, when that day finally comes when i have to make that decision, i will be in a huge dilemma.

anyhow, 2 surprises coming up this month :D its so fun to do this sorta thing. If there was ever a job career of surprising people, i'll probably be making lots of money HAHA. my resume is filled okay! event organizing? maybe, baby.

rah. I hate it when people keep on retracting their msn replies!!! dont you feel so bloody irritated when the person types halfway and never replies you in the end. ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT PERSON OPENS THE CONVO. bleagh. why am i so nice sometimes. i need to tell people straight in the face the things i want to say more.

my cough has been really bad today... poor Charmaine had to study alone at the clubhouse when I was the one who asked her to come over. i felt damn bad. sorry girl :(

and i've found a purpose in life now. i know what i wanna do. Praise the Lord. I hope it is His will for me to do this. we'll see how though, you never know what He really wants. now just go all the way for A LEVELS! 2 more months. damn fast o.o

today was probably one of the calmest days i've had in a while, free from panic attacks, breakdowns and sian moods. in fact it was, i can say, a GOOD day.

this morning i slept till 9+. whoo, felt so rejuvenated when i got out of my bed. had tuna on cream crackers for breakfast and read the papers after that. baked bread! super relaxing and enjoyable. it's this lovely bread from the philippines called Pandesal.. too bad it didn't turn out too well, the buns became more of a big cookie shape after baking. Oh well, first time! it's not too bad.

decided to go for econs tuition today. before that i helped a filipina with directions to toa payoh, my 2nd home since IJ's there! heh. poor thing, she walked all the way from mediacorp to  my bus stop. It makes me feel great whenever I can help people, esp strangers.. it's nothing much for me, but hey if i can really help smoeone, why not?

saw kuan ming at tuition and had a nice little chat with him during break about band. we miss that place la. and tuition was pretty empty today! didn't need to squeeze so i enjoyed my lesson today. not forgetting Mr Lim's lame yet ROFL analogies. :D he told us about how jackpot works and that we actually win money initially until a point, like the reverse J-curve. ha, super cool how he relates real life situations to econs. and his UBIN aka macroeconomic goals of Unemployment, BOP, Inflation and National Income. how malaysia has a really really low GNP per capita compared to Singapore and how Singaporeans should say "we the citizens of Singapore, pledge ourselves to the Supply side policy..."

I bet all of you don't know what I'm talking about, unless you've attended this econs tuition. :)

dinner was simple:
fried yong tau foo
steamed egg
steamed veg
rice

but home cooked food and a whole load of uncontrollable laughing with my siblings = stress relief and fuzziness

since my folks went off to indo for a meeting there, my sis took over the role of Mommy and started nagging at us.

Martina: who's going to finish the tofu??? and veg?? don't waste!

and she even nags at my brother to wash his face properly, pack his bag and do his work. HAHA. can't believe she actually NAGGED at her older bro.

gonna meet my hawt date tomorrow for lunch ;) sunday's lunch is gonna be awesome too. can't wait!! :)